


fantastic poops and where to take them

by ooooooofy



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Crack, a lil bit of super mario backstory, i barely remember writing this, idk - Freeform, mario - Freeform, noot the salamander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:36:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ooooooofy/pseuds/ooooooofy
Summary: noot the salamander travels to america with a colon full of poops. in a scuffle, noot misplaces his colon and his poops and he embarks on a journey to find them.





	

once upon a time, there was a salamander named noot. noot the salamander was on his way to america with a colon full of poops. upon reaching new york, he was searched by the boundary people. luckily, all of his poops were safely hidden inside of his colon, so the boundary people were not able to find his poops. 

unfortunately, noot's colon was acting a bit wonky, and while he was walking down the street one of his poops managed to escape! he looked all around for the loose poop and then finally found it in the bank. he teleported to the poop and shoved it back into his colon. however, in a confusing turn of events, noot's colon ended up in the hands of a plumber guy named mario! mario, completely oblivious, carried on with his day with the wrong colon. later, mario was admiring his big booty when he felt something weird in his colon. he went to the bathroom to investigate and suddenly a bunch of poops came flying out of him! "gosh darn noot!" he exclaimed. he quickly closed his colon back up to avoid any more escaped poops. 

meanwhile, noot the salamander was confronted by another salamander who was a big hoe. she then proceeded to tell him she was going to have to arrest him for carrying undocumented poops across the border. she checked his colon to see what other types of poops he had in store when they came to the shocking realization that the colon was not noot's! noot then goes and finds mario, and mario gladly gives noot his colon back. 

however, the big hoe salamander manages to find noot and mario, and she takes them both back to her apartment. mario falls in love with the hoe salamander's sister and noot feels very awkward. the other salamanders then question noot of his intentions, and he finally admits that he came to america so he could free his big poop in arizona.

mario and noot then go to bed in the crazy salamanders' apartment, and noot tells mario to hop inside of his colon. mario is very reluctant at first, but he decides to go in. mario is amazed to find many different glorious types of poops in their natural habitats! noot then warns him of a dangerous poop. the dangerous poop proceeds to destroy the city, but noot, being the swaggy salamander he is, catches it with the help of his new friends. 

after the city is saved, noot decides to free his big poop, right then and there in new york city, and he is finally free. he erases mario's mind, and mario proceeds to become a famous video game character, along with his brother, luigi. noot the salamander says bye bye to the big hoe salamander and returns to salamander world, where he then becomes known as "the poop whisperer" and everyone lives happily ever after.

the end

**Author's Note:**

> i can't write a three-page essay on hillary clinton but i can write this in the span of ten minutes kms


End file.
